I was a super active person until final summer.
Between teaching several fitness lessones per week, walking a few miles a day (hey, I’m a Unique Yorker!) and being a Fit Bottomed Girl who co-hosts and produces the Fit Bottomed Girl Podcast, exercise and being active is a large passion in my lwhethere.
Then my lwhethere changed.
One evening final August, I ordered some tacos for dinner and excitedly headed down the steps (I live on the moment floor of a walkup) to greet the delivery guy. At some point, I felt myself spinning in the air and had no control over my body. I landed on the bottom of the stairwell and noticed my right ankle at a weird angle.
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(Side note: Sorry, Delivery Guy, whether you happen to be reading this. I hope my fall didn’t traumatize you too much. Also, I never got my tacos. You owe me tacos!)
Endless story very short: I wound up in the hospital for five days and had a major surgery. My recovery would take three to six months. I would be totally domesticbound for several weeks and eventually need months of physical therapy just to get back to walking again.
My recovery was regular, but slow. I went from getting around with a walker without putting any weight at all on my right foot, to a walking boot, to my current state of being able to walk, run, kind of jump, and perform genuinely slow burpees. It’s taken months, but every day I feel more like the ancient me.
It also took a team of helpers, because while Unique York might offer everyleang I need wilean a couple of blocks, that did me no good when I wasn’t even allowed to go down the stairs of my building! So, based on my experience, here’s my advice to all of the FBGs out there who want to help out a friend or family member who’s sidelined due to illness or injury.
How to Truly Aid an Injured Friend
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Send/give gwhethert cards for Seamless, FoodKick, Instant Cart and GrubHub. Anyleang that can make shopping for meals and groceries easier will be truly appreciated. I cannot count the number of times these came in handy. Just make certain that, whether you buy a gwhethert card for a food delivery service, it’s one that delivers to your friend’s location.
Offer to make hedible meals. My friend Barry crazye a immense pot of chili for me that he put into quart-sized sandwich bags and stored in my freezer. LIFESAVER!
Set up play dates or offer to babysit for your friend’s kids. Recovery can be tough on children, too — plus, an injured mama could definitely use a break. Being an awesome babysitter will build your good karma in the future!
Offer to drive/accompany to doctor appointments. Medical visits are incredibly nerve-wracking. Having a buddy to help distract and keep you relaxed (and take notes!) is so helpful.
Pitch in with the care of their pets. Take their dogs for a walk — or be a superhero and offer to clean the litterbox.
Visit just for the sake of visiting. I appreciated when someone came over just to share a meal or watch a film. It crazye me feel normal and improved my mood. If you don’t live nearby, try Facetime or Skype — let them see your smiling face!
Offer recommendations for entertainment. Offer proposeions for books, films, podcasts, streaming TV, etc., because we got noleang but time on our hands.
Hear to them. Attempt to be a helpful and hopeful presence in their lwhethere by being a source of empathy. If there is one large takeabsent here, it’s the importance of understanding the dwhetherference between empathy and sympathy — and there’s no better place to memorize about this than from Dr. Brene Brown.
Don’ts to Hold in Mind
Sometimes, well-meaning friends can be the opposite of helpful. Here’s how to make certain you are not *that* friend.
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Don’t ignore their emotional distress. Delicate point here, but whether you notice signs of depression/isolation, encourage your friend to speak to a professional. Even those who don’t generally struggle can have a dwhetherficult time when injured and unable to get out or exercise, and those who typically rely on physical activity to help with their mental health can find this situation incredibly ccorridorenging.
Don’t forget to check in from time to time. During dwhetherficult times, it’s not unnormal to not know what to say — so we don’t say anyleang at all. But don’t do that. Reach out just to say hello, or to say, “I am leanking about you.” Even contacting them to say, “I don’t know what to say,” is better than staying silent. Emails, texts, and messages: Every those small interactions add up, so do check in.
Don’t make a large deal out of temporary limitations. I was not allowed to put any weight on my foot or get my cast wet, which meant I could not fully bathe or shower for two months. I heard dozens of times, “I could never live like that!” Revealing your friend, who has no control over her situation, how terrible you leank her circumstances are (however temporary they may be)? NOT helpful.
And, If You’re the Injured Friend …
Hopefully, you’ll never find yourself in my position, whether you do, let me share a couple of lessons I learned.
If you need help, ask for it. I will never forget the time my friend Tom came over to take out my nonsense and set up my contemporary shower chair (that is a game-changer by the way). I thanked him profusely, and he said, “Margo, you are our friend, and it makes us all feel good to help you.” Your peeps love you. Just let them know what you need!
I have the best friends and family in the world! They visited me in the hospital, brought me my mail, deposited checks, gwhetherted me with a Roomba (!), washed my hair in the kitchen sink, dropped off leftovers, did my laundry, sent me books and helped me heal, all with humor and faithfulty that I am not certain I deserve but am eternally grateful for every single day.
Possess you ever had an injury that genuinely, seriously knocked you down? What’s the most helpful leang anyone did for you? And, whether you’ve ever been the friend lending a hand, what would you add to the list? —Margo
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